Stinky Boy Update

In case you don't remember, boys are stinky and gross. Everyone knows that. I just like to bring it to your attention.

You may have read the previous post in which I complained about my boyfriend. Just so you don't think I'm a total doormat, I am happy to report the following excerpt from our 3.5-hour Skype conversation of last night. No, I don't know why we had a three-plus hour Skype chat. I was Tweeting with my gay boyfriend at the same time and he kept saying he needed to bring booze over chez me more often. Instead I got tipsy solo and had rambling blatherings with my boyfriend-boyfriend from a café in Shanghai.

He's coming back tomorrow. More on the prep for that later.

And without further ado (slightly edited for clarity):

[3/31/10 11:42:40 PM] Boyfriend: I might nap on this sofa. I'll ask for a blanket and pillow.

[3/31/10 11:42:57 PM] ms. adventure: yeah, just pretend the server is a flight attendant.

[3/31/10 11:43:17 PM] Boyfriend: Not that cute...

[3/31/10 11:43:35 PM] ms. adventure: quit making it obvious to me that you're checking everyone out all the time. it's annoying.

[3/31/10 11:43:54 PM] ms. adventure: unless you are trying to make me feel insecure and unattractive, in which case GOOD JOB.

[3/31/10 11:43:55 PM] Boyfriend: Sorry,

[3/31/10 11:44:06 PM] Boyfriend: Sweetie...

[3/31/10 11:44:36 PM] ms. adventure: your conversation these past few days, since you left your dad, i must say, is RIFE with references to "attractive this" and "attractive that."

[3/31/10 11:44:43 PM] Boyfriend: I'm sorry sweetie.

[3/31/10 11:44:53 PM] ms. adventure: i don't ask you not to notice, but for the love of pete, please be tactful and tell someone else!

[3/31/10 11:45:11 PM] ms. adventure: like someone you can crotchgrab and have burping contests with...

[3/31/10 11:45:15 PM] ms. adventure: if such a person exists. :)

[3/31/10 11:45:22 PM] Boyfriend: I'll switch up adjectives.

See how I can harangue and gender stereotype at the same time? I'm like a dog with a fucking bone. And notice how I played the BOO HOO I FEEL UNATTRACTIVE card? Gets 'em every time. I mean, I didn't actually plan to be that manipulative. And it's not precisely true that his telling me various passersby are attractive makes me feel ugly. It's more that it makes me feel like he's trying to make me jealous, which perversely makes me want to go fuck the local pizza guy who always checks me out when I walk by, as if to say, "Oh YEAH? You want to tell me about the hotties in Shanghai? Lemme tell YOU about all the hotties IN MY PANTS."

But my question is: what adjective is he going to replace "attractive" with? If it's any variation on "hot," I'm gonna punch him in the nose.

Or maybe I should've just held my tongue. Should I have just held my tongue? Or been more gentle? But I don't really do gentle. Kind, sometimes. Gentle, not so much.

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